A plan? Whose plan? I ain't even got one. Yet.

I’ve been so conflicted and annoyed with life lately I don’t stop to see the outside world much….except to night stalk. Which is me stepping out my door…onto my from porch with whatever random pj’s I’ve mustered up the strength to put on… just to see what the night crawlers are out doing. During the day I stay holed up in this apartment day after day…lost….lost on the road….I want to do so much but I can’t. I have no job…no money…no hustle…no children…no car…and no ambition I guess. I want to write so at 4:30 am on Monday June 29, 2009 I started writing. I don’t care about what I just want to write. I’ve been terribly conflicted by this calling…dream…urge…gift….curse(as I viewed it in early days). Pen and pad…or fingers and screen and keyboard and the world wide freakin web and myspace and facebook and sugardaddieforsike.assholes and cnn.com and so many other distractions. I’m dueling it out…but… I guess that will help add the spice to my life. I am going to upset and please many. I don’t really have a choice. That’s my nature I guess. I just want someone to feel me and really feel me. Ya know?

Life has been a very sad road for me and I feel the longer I keep it in…the longer and more perverse the damage will be. I did not ask for this and so there fore I believe… (LOL LOL they say "I believe"… is a true Pisces statement) that it’s intended for the world. My secrets I can keep when I made the decision and chose it to be a secret…not because I am ashamed by what he or she did to me and blah blah blah…feel me? I won’t keep any secrets to myself but what I’m saying in English is…I did not ask for some of the worst situations in my life and yet I lived them and hopefully one day after helping so many other “people” who are like me(in one way or another) get over the CRAP…I will prosper. Not just financially…cause well…I have to prosper financially to achieve maximum help status for others lol. No really. But I have so many entrepreneurial avenues that will help “people”. Women, girls, boys, men, and everyone in between. God gave me breath to help people and that is what I plan to do.